Friday, October 14, 2005

"Find a Human"

This is too handy not to pass along:

Check this out: A list of codes which let you break through wretched phone-mail systems and speak directly to a human at a whole mess of big companies. Sweet. (Thanks to David Pogue.)


Lily said...

You mean randomly pressing buttons and screaming DAMN YOU is not the preferred method?
You smug techies always get the inside scoop on things.
Now answer me this, CB. Lately I've been asking these people to tell me who they are. Since my pissedivity is evidently easily aroused lately, they seem reluctant to tell me. Again I say "you know who I am , who are you?" and lately they have told me this bullshit: "We now give you an id number to reference your call, we do not reference conversations by who you speak with by name. We are all here and ready to help you." Kumbayah.. we are all part of the corporate village. it takes a village to answer your stupid call....
Listen buddy, I wasn't trying to send you a Christmas card or befriend you, moron. I just want you to do what you used to do. Say Hello, this is Felicity, and I would be more than happy to assist you in placing your order for the beautiful autumn harvest serving platter...Yes, Felicity, that would be FABULOUS. Yes, rush delivery. I'm so fucking jazzed about this purchase.
See I don't buy things because I need them. I have more than I could want. I buy them because I want the value added benefit of the ass kissing that I have rightfully coming to me by virtue of their 800% retail mark-up.

Cantankerous Bitch said...

Not smug techie. Obsessive blog reader. Isn't is sad?

In a brief fit of poverty panic, I took a job with one of those call centers that staff the 800 numbers you see on infomercials. We weren't allowed to divulge that we were actually working from home, and had to pretend we were in some building associated with the product manufacturer. They did not, in fact, keep records about who took what calls -- at least not in any way that was accessible to those of us on the phones. Call histories were elsewhere, untouchable to us peons.

It was, without exception, the worst job I've ever had.

Fuck 'em. There's virtually nothing you can't get online. Point & shop, baby. One click order. Presto!

Lily said...

Yes except I like to ask question that have absolutely nothing to do with what we are on the phone about. How might a consumer evaluate your practices of corporate giving to ascertain if they want to deal with your company? "UH-UH-UH. I don't know about THAT type of information"
Is there anything else that I can help you with today mam?
Yes, explain to my why your company donated $1500 dollars to the campaign of a misogynist?
No wonder they won't talk to me. But don't I have the right to ask questions????? You are right, I can just as easily buy irrelevant item X from company Y. And I understand the whole "they are just trying to earn a living, leave them alone" bit too. But maybe companies better get used to people 'voting' with their wallets. If I can buy crap from someone who DOES NOT offend me, I might as well try.
(I'll fail too, as I did when I went to WALMART for a prescription they did not carry at my pharmacy. Its not a matter of perfection as much as thoughtful spending)

Cantankerous Bitch said...

As much as I appreciate the potential sport of antagonizing fronnt-line CSRs, you don't honestly expect them to have those answers, do you? I guess as a matter of principle, if ALL of us asked those things EVERY time we spoke to these minimum-wage earners, some word of it might crawl its way up to management, where those "donations to misogynist" policies are decided. That would take a fairly concerted effort, though, right?
Perhaps it would be more productive to call in such angst to corporate headquarters where you can REALLY bug the shit out of them.

Lily said...

I did not expect them to be corporate spokespeople. A simple 'here's where to call " would suffice.

Cantankerous Bitch said...

Yes, that would be ideal.

Now, if the order takers were actually employees of the manufacturers, that info might be accessible. Too bad, eh?