As we all know, once you buy something from a catalogue, your name and address is whooshed through the great Catalogue Mojo Machine and suddenly, you're on everyone's mailing list. This is particularly true for children's products, especially toys.
And, as we're all aware, once the gauntlet of Halloween falls, marking the official passage into the Holiday Season, toy manufacturers are quick to remind us that it is, once again, time to start shopping for our little munchkins.
Being an only-child parent of an only child, the majority of whose parent-friends live in other states, I actually don't mind the onslaught so much. My memories of toddlerhood are hazy and as such, I need a little help with ideas. And for this reason, I don't mind the bombardment by Fischer Price et al and quickly set to browsing through the pages to make my Santa List.
Being an unrepentant junkie for social politics, however, means that the Big Picture is never far from my mind, and as I flip through the glossy displays of multi-colored plastic wonders, the armchair pundit in me starts to grumble & twitch.
Now, as ever, gender politics is part of the national discourse. Whether it be reproductive rights, pay parity or child & health care policy decisions, this country is still in its adolescence in its treatment of men and women and the differences therein. Despite our ideals, we still struggle with the simple things, like division of household labor, for instance. One might not necessarily connect the dots between who does the vacuuming and whether women earn cents on men's dollars, but this failure of connection has meaning.
I don't intend to make some over-the-top claim that there's a directly causal relationship here, but I do mean to suggest a certain correlation that we benefit from being mindful of.
Browsing through these catalogues, the indoctrination into gender roles simply couldn't be more obvious. Train sets, race cars and erector sets are clearly placed in the boys section, are decorated with "masculine" colors, and are pictured in the raptured gaze of Handsome Father and Delighted Son. Conversely, toy kitchens, sewing machines and dolls are prominently featured in the girls section. Invariably decorated in some shade of pink, they're cooed over by pigtail sporting Little Ladies while Proud Mama smiles with approval. In some catalogues, the sections are so blatantly divided as to contain blue pages for boys, pink pages for girls. We all know the scene.
Nowhere in these pages do we find, say, a boy pushing a toy vacuum, or a girl cheering her Hot Wheels around a slick and windy racetrack. We don't find Dad attending a tea party or Mom helping out on the carpenter's horse. The lone spot of neutrality is sometimes found on the pages sporting video games, but even then, subject matter is still clearly divided along gender lines.
These are not revelations, to be sure. However, it's worth remembering while we, The Great Progressive Liberals, consider our holiday shopping this year. If we all agree that the "glass ceiling", for instance, is an insulting reality for our bright and powerful sisters, let's make sure that we don't inadvertently contribute to gender role indoctrination while stuffing Susie's stocking.
Instead, buy her the train set. Give Billy the toy blender. If Bobby wants a doll, give him one. Don't let his grandparents cluck their tongues and shoot you disapproving glances when sister Ashley squeals over her toy workbench. Dress her in pink only if she LIKES pink. Let her wear her brother's hand-me-downs and don't worry about whether or not there's a spare ribbon to put in her hair so as not to confuse folks at the mall.
By all means, get the Bubble Mower if your son wants it. Just make sure your daughter knows it's for her, too. Little efforts like this accumulate over the years, and help shape their perceptions of Who Does What. Wouldn't it be great if, by the time they encounter starkly defined gender roles as young adults, they're so alien to them as to be laughable. Then imagine the world such a generation will create.
11 comments:
Jesus- do they still do that?
It is 2005, isn't it?
In the resulting discussion of this over at MLW, some folks have had the same to say. Conversely, there have been others that run toward the opposite. I don't deny that genetics predispose us to certain things by any means. I do think, however, that there's no need for us amplify those inclinations simply out of habit and cultural norms.
I didn't mean to suggest you did, just expanding on my view...
Gotcha.
Well I think my son was pretty happy playing barbie AND trucks, and we didn't really read too much into the notion of what is a girl or boy toy, and figure the more we talk about them that way the more we reinforce it. In our chaotic household toys are toys, the person best able to do laundry does it, and so on. But as my son grows up he does seem to be drawn with little influence to things that make noise, are mechanical (like trains) and while I try to be conscious of gender stereotypes and that sort of thing, my concern is more about the materialism and sense of entitlement derived from accumulating toys. I try to think more now about if a toy is actually good or if its just another plastic stupid thing that they slapped a picture onto of 'Dora the Explorer".
Toys are a tough subject for me, I love to give and know that 'stuff' makes them happy but I also am concerned about non-material enjoyment too. The holidays can really be ruined by consumerism and commercials if we let it- the shopping, the standing on line, the pressure. Who needs it?
A suggestion for those with kids a bit older- try something like "adopt a raptor" or injured animal, or Audubon's "adopt a puffin' in addition to the mountain of plastic shit this December. Link holidays to more than gifts.
I can't agree enough. I've always admired familes that stress the value of homemade over store-bought gifts, and it's something I look forward to doing with the little man when he's old enough.
You're absolutely right -- the entitlement I see smeared all over some teenagers faces is absolutely appaling, and you know it doesn't just turn up over night. Someone recently told me of a tradition in which each family member gets just one gift per person, which forces those choices to be truly meaningful, I think. In my own extended family, presents were only allowed for kids; adults simply didn't exchange them for many years. Granted, this was based on financial concerns we all had, but it certainly broke our mindless gift shopping habits and let us focus on what really matters about the holidays -- togetherness.
Or maybe you have a broad perspective, considering many concerns, and realize that gender toys are only a small part of the sexism/gender picture and simply try to focus your energy on some other concerns, like listening when the kids talk, encouraging them to have plans and goals, fostering their curiosity. Now I can preach like any other hippie about organics and consumerism, but in all honesty- showing love and respect to other adults and being a good model of values is much more important than which toys the kids play with anyway.They learn what they live. My little girl talks about "conditional pacifism" at the dinner table for a reason. She is included in the conversation, instead of tv shaping her world view. She is important enough to sit and talk to, listen to.
I mean not to minimize the power of indoctrination, and certainly as I stated try to be mindful of stereotypes and too many damned toys.. But acting like a fanatic, always second guessing, screeching about the toxins ALL the time projects a negative world view. I say sisters, do the best you can this Christmas/non specified holiday season.
I say focus less on contriving play and more on getting down on the floor, making those messes, playing with those barbies and trucks. Show them they are loved and valued, versus teaching them that it is demonstrated by what comes in a box.
More harm comes from the way we mothers trash each other in front of our girls!!
::hooting & hollering from the choir::
Right on, Lily.
My boy found a sword on the playground, and was ecstatic- this from our little nonviolent home without weapons. He was so happy to FINALLY 'play violence'. Then a kid's dad pulled up to retrieve the forgotten toy.
Point is, many kids grow up with 'issues' because we try to do the right thing and restrict these bad things. I was not allowed junk food, and so it took on a disproportionate importance to have candy, etc. Kids need to learn moderation and self control from somewhere. I still hate violent play, but hate tight ass parents more that scrub down every little thing and transfer their control issues.
Some reading on Montessori-style learning and cooperative play helps.
I don't know why but I love that picture of tmp up there ^ Its like he's peering at me.
He is.
Be good.
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